Ballroom Lessons - Secrets of Life From the Dance Floor
From:
Kristen Kancler
129 days 9 hours 45 minutes ago
If you've ever watched a couple waltz, tango, or samba, you know that ballroom dancing is a magical thing. It brings bodies, spirits, and
passion to life. It is an expression of beauty, libido, anger, and sorrow. And for Janet Carlson, author of
Quick, Before the Music Stops, it is also a means of self-discovery. For her, learning to dance again became a metaphor for life as well as a guiding force during a very difficult time. Dancing brought Carlson back to life and taught her many lessons along the way—some about herself, some about love, and some about the beauty of life.
In dance, both partners move across the dance floor together as one. This means that when one partner steps forward, the other steps back, and vice versa. Perhaps this idea is more straightforward in dance, but it is true for any partnership. This became clear to Carlson, who took the lead in her troubled marriage. As she badgered her husband to pull his weight around the house, she was stepping forward. In turn, he would step back, in an endless effort that backed them into a wall. It wasn't until Carlson put herself first and took care of her own needs, making dance lessons a priority, that he started to pick up the slack where she left room. In her book, she explains, "I've tended to plow relentlessly forward … unconsciously hoping Peter will step forward himself, so I can step back. He doesn't step forward … so I push harder—forward. It hasn't occurred to me to change direction myself. I took one step back. In response, Peter stepped forward."
Lesson No. 1: When you take responsibility for yourself, your own needs, everything else will fall into place.
It Takes Two to Tango A good dance is both effortless and balanced. "The man doesn't lead, and the lady doesn't follow. It's a dialogue, both people talking." Likewise, it takes two people to maintain a relationship, and both must be aware of their partner's needs. One of Carlson's teachers taught her this lesson on the dance floor: "In our partnership, as
we dance, your job is to think about my comfort, and my job is to think about your comfort." Another teacher, after noticing that Carlson was trying to do everything on her own, took a different approach. "Will you please use me?" he asks. After explaining that she is making things harder on herself by going at it alone, they try again, this time with grace and ease. "It's better, yes? But why is it so strange? I'm your partner. It's my job."
Lesson No. 2: Although it's important to take care of yourself, it's equally important to work together. Stay in the MomentMeditation teaches students to be present. The importance of being in the moment is the same in dance as it is in life. Carlson recalls, "As long as I can remember, I've been addicted to the adrenaline, the hormone that propels you headlong into your future." When she played games with her children, she recalled the trouble she had being able to focus, constantly distracted and overwhelmed by her to-do list. She later lamented wasting such precious moments with her kids. When an instructor teaches her the importance of staying in the moment—"What's the rush? Without the rush, there is the beautiful melody"—she opens her eyes to the beauty of each moment and allows herself to stay.
Lesson No. 3: Life is happening now. Enjoy it!~
Kristen Kancler
